It is so important that as parents we are consistent in our parenting in making a difference in our children's lives. Creating and maintaining a culture of unconditional love and allowing them to always feel safe and loved, is very important in your home.
I want to share another practical tip for you that I have entitled: "Don't Judge".
The natural human tendency in all is us to to judge and find fault with people. It, therefore, takes a conscious effort not to cultivate this judgemental attitude when raising our children.
In fact, a judgemental attitude toward your children will inevitably produce undesirable behaviours/characteristics. These behaviours become entrenched in the lives of your children, which may be difficult to break free from in later years.
Here are a few undesirable behaviours/characteristics that result from this kind of parenting.
- Children become like their parents and this judgemental cycle continues through generations. Parents should be the role models to their children. Don't tell, show!
- Children become fearful to attempt anything. Knowing they're will receive the wrath of judgement from their parents inhibits one to act.
- Children don't feel safe and often become withdrawn. It's safer in their bedroom than to be around mom and dad.
- Children begin to build walls around them in order to protect themselves.
- It becomes extremely difficult for children to be open, honest and/or transparent with mom and dad. As a result, their personal challenges are often bottled up which could lead to depression etc.
My wife (Colleen) and I tried to create a loving, safe and encouraging environment at home where the children could freely engage in conversation knowing that they wouldn't be judged. We tried to create a home characterised by realness and transparency, with a fun and positive environment. It was about helping each other to the next level. Rather than an environment of pulling them down or making them feel guilty about their actions. I often hear the following words from parents "John, your life will never amount to anything. You are a dumb and stupid boy. Get out of here." How does that make you feel just reading it!
Words have power.
Let's get practical. Here are a few suggestions.
1. Choose your words wisely. Choose words that build your children up. Words carry life.
2. Don't react to your children. Your need to respond. Take a deeeeep breath. Lift your head high. Take a another deep breath and then respond appropriately with words that will add value.
3. Create a safe environment with your words that children can feel safe to speak knowing that they won't be judged.
4. Allow your children the opportunity to speak. Ask questions. Don't give them the answer before they have told you everything. Sometimes your opinion is not needed. Allow them the space to share things with you. Be a great listener.
Be consistent in your actions and words to create
an environment of love and encouragement.
